Questions for Aging Parents
December 6, 2011
A Real Simple magazine article discusses how adult children and their parents can have an open discussion about their concerns, and together face the challenges of aging. This discussion is often not an easy one to have; a 2001 AARP study revealed that three-quarters of adult children think about their parents’ ability to live independently, but one-third of the children surveyed have avoided discussing the topic with their parents. The results for parents are similar; 70% said they think about their ability to live independently, but more than one-third said they do not discuss the subject with their children. The article provided several conversation-starting questions that adult children can ask their parents.
Do you have enough health insurance? Your parents should have coverage through Medicare (both Part A and Part B, and a Part D prescription drug plan). You should discuss adding a Medigap insurance policy, which can cover co-payments, deductibles, costs, and services not included or only partially included under Medicare. Your parents may also want to consider purchasing long-term care insurance to help defray the cost of long-term care in their home or in a facility. You should work with an expert who is familiar with all of the options for these insurance plans.
Do you think your physician is well-informed about the issues common to older patients? Geriatric physicians are invaluable resources, but they can be hard to find. You should look for physicians who emphasize care for seniors. If your parents require services from multiple specialties, then hiring a geriatric care manager to help coordinate healthcare services can be a big help, especially if you do not live near your parents. Think of the geriatric care manager as a general contractor who will investigate your parents’ needs, scope out the project, and link the family with health and support resources.
Can we help you make your home more comfortable? Your family may want to discuss moving the master bedroom to the first floor of a multi-level home, or installing a stair climber. Simple changes such as removing throw rugs may help prevent falls, and if your parents get up during the night to use the restroom, then you can install motion-triggered nightlights to light the path. You might want to discuss other housing options, such as ranch houses, condos, and assisted living facilities, so you can be prepared financially if and when the need arises.
Are you feeling secure about driving? This can often be the most contentious issue between parents and children. The parents want to maintain their independence, and the children are concerned about safety. Seniors who are still capable of driving can enroll in the two-day 55 Alive driver safety program sponsored by AARP. If it appears that your parents will have to stop driving in the foreseeable future, then you can help ease the transition by talking with the local Chamber of Commerce, community centers, churches, synagogues, and the local agency on aging, to see if any of them offers shuttle services. Taxi or car services will often set up standing appointments to drive so people can shop, go to dinner or to the movies.
Do you have an estate plan in place? The key pieces of the plan are a general durable power of attorney to manage finances if a parent becomes ill, an advance medical directive to make medical decisions if needed, and a will or trust for the disposition of assets at death. The plan also includes a thorough financial review to ensure that asset allocations are appropriate, and that any necessary insurance is in place. Your parents should have lists of their important information (including funeral and burial preferences) in one place, and they should let you know where to find this information in case you need it. You should consult with an elder law attorney to ensure that your parents’ plans are comprehensive and integrated.
If possible, parents and children should discuss these issues face-to-face. The atmosphere should be one of comfort and collaboration, not confrontation. Children should emphasize that their top priority is ensuring that the parents’ wishes are honored and carried out. There is no need for children to parent their parents; rather they should become partners in helping their parents manage their lives. If possible, all family members should be on board; sometimes it may be necessary to involve a third-party facilitator, such as a therapist, trusted family lawyer, or a financial planner who is already working with the parents or children. Above all, be patient; many issues may not be resolved with the first conversation. The key is to start the ongoing dialogue.
Sandra Smith is an elder law attorney with Oast & Hook, and she practices in the areas of estate planning, estate and trust administration, special needs planning, asset protection planning, long-term care planning, and Veterans’ benefits. Ms. Smith is certified as an Elder Law Attorney (CELA) by The National Elder Law Foundation (NELF).
O&H: Allie, we’ve heard that there has been a change regarding the resident cat at the Algonquin Hotel in New York City. Please tell us about it.
Allie: Sure! The Algonquin Hotel has had a cat roaming its lobby for nearly 80 years. I’ve previously reported that the current resident cat, Matilda III has her own section on the hotel’s website and gets mail and e-mail at the hotel. The Algonquin has had to confine Matilda’s range to the arrival area, the area behind the reception desk, and the coat room as a pre-emptive move to prevent crossing the New York City Department of Health. The DOH has not cited the Algonquin for any violations related to Matilda III, but the Algonquin staff wants to make sure that her presence does not violate any DOH rules. Algonquin general manager Gary Budge said, “People miss seeing Matilda around the lobby. They miss that part of the connection they’ve previously enjoyed. But this is the right thing to do. As we know, everything changes.” The staff still points out Matilda’s favorite hiding spot, and she is always within sight of a hotel employee, and they enjoy watching out for her. I’m glad Matilda III is still able to stay at the hotel. All of this talk about work has made me ready for a nap . . . See you next week!
If you are interested in having an Oast & Hook attorney speak at your event, phone Darcee Hale at 757-399-7506. Past topics include estate planning, long-term care planning and veterans benefits.
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